I received this email this morning which I think is moderately amusing

New Pandemic
I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes etc.

From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu. This debilitating condition is very serious and it appears this is not an isolated case. Reports are flooding in from all around the neighbourhood of others diagnosed with Wine Flu.

To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down.

However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD and take some Nurofen [Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu]. Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases.

Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening, and if treated early can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period. If not, then further application of the original liquid in similar quantities to the original dose has been shown to do the trick.

Good luck

My nephew, Joe, has a worse disease - Whine Flu. Yesterday his headache was definitely meningitis, while later in the day he was suffering from a deadly poison through having walked past an unidentified fungus. He was so bad all day that he was wholly unable to prepare a meal for the guest he had coming to supper; so it was back to Lissa's meals on wheels, and very lucky he was to get an egg and bacon flan, a fruit salad and a loaf straight from the oven. Other people who can't be bothered to cook do the decent thing and get a ready meal from the supermarket. If Ken wasn't such a nice person and hadn't been coming to give us a talk in church (one of a series arranged by Joe to raise funds for the church roof) I would have let Joe stew in his own juice! (Actually that sounds a terrible recipe - long pig at its worst!!!) But I could have left him to explain why he was serving baked beans followed by tinned mandarin oranges - or whatever it was that the back of the store cupboard supplied.